"Relax, it's Fed Ex" My Ass

(March 10, 2006)

Fed Ex Guy just yelled at me. Kinda. Fed Ex Guy doesn't YELL yell, but he glowers in a menacing way and makes accusatory statements, which is the same thing.

I just can't win over this Fed Ex Guy. He's angry all the time. Stalks down the hall, grimly wheels his cart in here, doesn't say hello back even though I use his name and everything. Angry! Too bad because he's a very good looking man, in an older, hard-faced, Billy Bob kind of way. But he's just so angry. Why so angry, Fed Ex Guy, why? No likey the packages?

I was still taping closed a box when he arrived with his hand truck, that's why he yelled at me. If you read yesterday's entry, I was trying to get some stuff out to China. Fed Ex won because BAX Global only has an unguaranteed range of three to five days into Beijing, while Fed Ex claims to be able to get it done by Tuesday. To the tune of around $2K. But we're not paying for it, the China guy is, and that shall be his penance for waiting until the last fucking possible second to tell me it had to be done.

Fed Ex Guy saw me taping the box closed and said "You are supposed to wait until it's ready before you call."

"I know, I literally just called. I told the girl 'It's ready, I just have to tape up the box!'"

"You are supposed to wait until it's ready before you call."

"I did, it's ready! How'd you get here so fast, were you in the lobby already?"

If Fed Ex Guy glowers any harder he's going to pop something. If I didn't think my packages would be chucked from the back of the truck I'd have cracked a joke about the irony of his keyed-up twitchyness versus his company's slogan.

I mean jeez. It's not like I called and then waited five hours. I called and then grabbed my tape gun. He just got here lightning fast.

Fast, angry Fed Ex Guy.