Not to mention the sound they make

(April 22, 2004)

We've only had three or four days of warm weather and I'm already insane.

It's the flip flops.

I hate them. I just...I can't even formulate in words how ridiculously stupid these "shoes" are. Who is the person that declared as "footwear" this cheap sweaty rubber mat with plastic toe floss? It's just dumb apparel. And it's not even "dumb apparel" the way, say, low hanging jeans are dumb apparel, wherein it's a fad or symptom of the folly of youth.

The flip flop crosses age, race, culture and situation. All dressed up to go out and see a band? Sure, stick your foot on this coaster, you won't fall down the stairs. Heading for the greasy muck of the subway? Hey, there's a quarter inch of foam rubber between you and a million commuters' worth of crud, and don't worry about your toes falling off the edge, it's fashionable.

I'm sick of looking at gnarly old lady toenails. I'm tired of worked-in grime on hard heels. I don't want to see another set of chipped baby pink teenager toe polish. I'm done with hairy man insteps.

This is how the fervor of religion gets started. I don't want to "save" anyone or change the world. I just want you to go back home and put on some fucking shoes!