Weiners, Whiners, Winners

(July 10, 2003)

The Fourth of July had seemed so far off, didn't it? Now it's gone. It's so weird when something still feels like it's out in front waiting to happen when Reality has already fed those leftovers to the dog. It's like, "What are we doing for the f...oh, we already took care of that." When July 4th flicked me on the ear as it flew by and snidely said "whoosh" I looked at the place where it used to be and said "Uh, bye." Last year I had a party. This year I made it to two. You guys all have a good time? I did. I didn't drink at all, except for water. It was too hot and too close on the heels of that AQM show at TT's. Oh the flesh memory.

Party hopping told me that me and Kier, a total sweetheart, have absolutely zero people in common outside The Noise. I can't tell if it's by accident or by design that every female person he knows can't shut up for like, eleven seconds all in a row, and it's a steady stream of "me me me me me me me me me me me" and it's in exactly the same cadence from girl to girl, every sentence a question and every tenth word preceded by "so" or "like' or "so like." Hub quietly asked me to please kill him if I ever see him getting married to such a girl. I would be very sad if he did, because that would necessitate his being deaf and...well, that's just sad.

Yes, I realize the aforementioned is insulting. But seriously. It was like being trapped in an Aging Cheerleaders Anonymous meeting. "So like my name is Heather? And like, I don't know like, I fil rilly rilly sod? But I like to, you know, fil rilly rilly hoppy? So that's not like, kewl? Oh my GAWD, aren't my highlights the kewlest?"

At the other party, I learned MojoNine grills a great burger. Oh, and yay, Buzz and Trish were there. Buzz is...on second thought, it's too hard to explain who Buzz is. I have wavery threads of Buzz-connection from like three different sources (speaking of which, will Sara Miller please check in?). He was cool from day one. Trish though, the first time I met her, I couldn't get a read on her because she never looked at me. I chaulked it up to that thing where chicks don't get me. But at MojoNine's party she cracked me up every time she opened her mouth. Like when Mojo came inside to get one of the meatless hot dogs for his girlfriend.

"It's hard to be cool with a weiner in your hand," he grinned, closing the fridge and heading back outside to the grill.

"Maybe for YOU," Trish retorted with exactly the right tone of mock superiority.

Classic!

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Hey. Guess what. Sweet mystery of life at last I've found her. For new Jungle readers, Mid is among my favorite reads and she disappeared for awhile. Now she's back writing again, and between this and my new Jean Kerr book, the world will be a better place indeed. I'm so happy I think I'll write a haiku.

Midnight fades to black
Then rises online like dawn
Pee my pants happy

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Instant Message is fertile soil for nurturing the Big Goofball in all of us. Me and Mojo seem to either slip into embarrassingly bad French, or into some warped approximation of Elizabethan English.

To wit:

MojoNine: ok, i must needs be departing....
Lexikahn: We in the IM realm will surely miss you.
MojoNine: surely the missing shall be mutual in said IM plane indeed. anon! good evening...
Lexikahn: What ho, MojoNine, prithee. Go boldly into thine Monday evening without fear of pit stains.
MojoNine: nay, forsooth, tis not the pit but alas the traffic yon whenceforth the fear issueth from!
Lexikahn: Godspeed, ye of bonny spiral locks!
MojoNine: lol!
MojoNine signed off at 4:59:51 PM.