It's Because Of This That I'm _________.

(June 09, 2003)

The last day of Aries is either April 19 or 20. The first day of Taurus is either April 20 or 21. Depending on what you read. I was born on April 21. I'm EDGY, baby. I'm so edgy I'ma fall off myself. As a result of this, if I think to check my horoscope (something I haven't done regularly in a million years, with the pointless exception of Joe's IM'd Onion update on eratic Wednesdays) I read both Aries and Taurus. I choose to believe whichever one makes me sneer with less derision, or whichever one says I'm going to get what I fucking want.

I'm cranky.

So it's ridiculous o'clock and the sun's coming up and I'm looking up horoscope websites. According to myhoroscopes.com, these are the profiles of the two...well, I guess they'd be the two livestock signs. Yes, livestock! Back off or I will butt your head to win the favor of some other cow, who I will then make my bitch.

Aries: Symbol: The Ram
Taurus: Symbol: The Bull

A: Ruling Planet: Mars
T: Ruling Planet: Venus

A: Element: Fire
T: Element: Earth

A: Cross/Quality: Cardinal
T: Cross/Quality: Fixed

A: Group: Emotional
T: Group: Emotional

A: House Ruled: First
T: House Ruled: Second

A: Polarity: Positive
T: Polarity: Negative

A: Opposite Sign: Libra
T: Opposite Sign: Scorpio

A: Favorable Colors: White & Red
T: Favorable Colors: Green & Brown

A: Lucky Gem: Diamond
T: Lucky Gem: Emerald

A: Key Body Part: Head
T: Key Body Part: Neck/ Throat

A: Basic Profile: Outgoing, Extravert, Energetic, Dynamic, Courageous, Generous, Strong, Extravagant but sometimes can be arrogant, insecure, jealous, concerned with looks and others' opinion
T: Basic Profile: Conservative, sensible, responsible, meticulous, artistic, loyal, consistent, dependable, generous, physically strong, sexual, but can be rigid, stubborn, selfish, suspicious, hot-tempered

I would like to point out the "Group" heading, which is, unlike every other facet of the two signs upon whose cusp I sit like a...like...like a...I don't know, it's almost dawn, I can't think of similies with this head. I just wanted to point out that the "Group" is "Emotional" for both signs instead of exhibiting a Yin/Yang polarity like in the other elements of the profile. (Interestingly, there is another website which says that Aries is in fact "Yang" while Taurus is "Yin." The sun and the moon. No, I never studied the I-Ching, but how can you not be drawn to the colossal simplicity of the whole thing.)

Anyway, the Zodiac...so after I looked up the whole profile dealie, I found a bunch of daily horoscopes for today, June 9th, 2003. Here's four:

ARIES

1.Whether you enjoy them or complain about them, personality quirks affect every transaction. Variety generates many surprises. People are delightfully inconsistent.

2.The forthcoming completion of a frustrating project, dear Aries, could be moved closer by one intense burst of energy within you. Self-confidence and determination come together to make sure that you tie up all the loose ends and finish it all up. However, don't expect to be able to relax for very long. The enthusiasm generated by the success of this project will only whet your appetite for new ones!

3.You should be concerned with matters on the homefront. Self-deception regarding your own worth may lead you down the wrong path. Get involved in volunteer work that will bring you satisfaction, not an empty wallet

4.Dare to become more intense, novel, complex, original and brilliant. You can be a dash extravagant.

TAURUS

1.Are you having or being too much of a good thing? Back off and give someone some breathing room. Unless you're a performer or speaker, the Stars make you much larger than life.

2.Today you might just take a trip - perhaps a long distance vacation, dear Taurus. This may have been planned in advance, but it could just as easily be one decided on the spur of the moment. You're in the position where you feel secure enough financially and established enough in your working life to cut yourself a little slack and make time for enjoyment. Do something new and different - even if others think you're crazy!

3.You should be able to get a lot done. You can make or break your personal relationship today. It may be a disappointing day emotionally.

4. Develop your ability to process technical data. Make an effort to think.

The "taking a trip" thing we aren't even going to discuss.