Have you seen the Man Rules?

(February 18, 2008)

Heh. I think this little chunk of 'netertainment has been around for awhile, but I don't remember seeing it. It mentions the color mauve. When was mauve at the height of fashion? Wasn't that sort of an post-80s thing once we were good and done with Dayglo? The Internet is amazing. I thought, well, I'll just Google to see if "mauve" really did have a heyday. I found this site that gets dead serious about color. There's even graphs. Someone graphs the popularity of mauve. Christ on a cracker!

Anyway, though penned for comedic effect, most of this "man rule" thing isn't knee-slapping funny. More like snort & nod funny.

MAN'S RULES (from the Internet somewhere)
Please note these are all numbered "1" on purpose.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.

1. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.Really.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar.Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Check your oil! Please.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.