"This is ME!"

(December 8, 2006)

"When you write about this in your diary, in my defense, I put them on so the tag was in the back."

We'd been home from the Lizard Lounge for about half an hour. We were talking, our post-show breakdown of Larry Banilow events. I was on the couch and Joe was doing one of his spectacular full-body stretches. This particular pose could have been a study of that Athenian mid-5th century bronze that they think is either Zeus or Poseiden, except that bronze guy isn't grabbing the ankle of his non-weight-bearing foot.

That's when I noticed that Joe's underwear were on backwards. When I pointed that out, he said, "I THOUGHT something was weird! When I went to pee I was like, 'hey, these don't have a slot!' But that means the tag is in the FRONT on these!"

Boxer briefs, those are what I picked out, figuring that they'd be easier for him. Black ones. You see, they're his first underwear in like fifteen years. I checked and, like he said, the tag is in the front. So he put the tag in the back. Along with the "slot." On any other day, seeing the slot in the back during the full-body stretch would have been the funniest thing that happened, except I'd just come home from the Steamy Bohemians Jerkus Circus where there were comedians and guys in dresses and stuff. So. Not the funniest thing that day, but still fucking funny.

"I'm out of practice! There's a good reason I can't work 'em."

Why underwear now? Because Randy Bedfellow chose the silky Playboy pajamas for this show. Without undies that would've been a bouncefest unfit for kids.

Here you go, kids, Larry Banilow doing "I Write The Songs." Send this link to your Barry Manilow-loving friends just to see what happens. It's a little pitchy in parts but it's still good. Don't watch it while you're high. Trust me. The first time I watched it, when Captain Sensitive gets to the part where he exclaims, "I love this! This is ME!" I just about pee'd myself.