He Can Also Make Burritos

(February 20, 2003)

So I was about to leave for The Lizard Lounge on Tuesday (planning on walking because I was NOT about to dig out the vaguely car-shaped white lump formerly known as my transportation) when the phone rang. The magic of caller ID tells me it's Kowalski, J.

"What, I just talked to you an hour ago," which is the kind of greeting caller ID and friendship allows.

"What are you doing."

"I was headin' out to the club."

"Now??" It's true it was only 5:45.

"Well I'm walking and it'll take about a half hour.

"But you'll get there before we do."

"I always do."

"But we never see you. You're hiding."

(Right, because THAT'S normal behavior. I'm behind the freakin' bar waiting to jump out and yell BOO!)

"I'm not hiding; I get there and make sure the doors are all open and nothing is...I don't know, flooded or...whatever."

"Then you hide."

(Oh for fuck's sake.)

"Nooo, then I go out and get stuff. Supplies."

"What supplies."

"Water and snacks (strange but true, those don't get flown there by fairies every show) and today, also double-A batteries and a T-shirt." The water and snacks are because it's a Low Budget Superhero show and feeding people is one of my superpowers. The batteries for Cathy and the T-shirt...

"WELL, I called because you don't have to pick me up a T-shirt. I went to Urban's."

"Awesome! What'd you get?"

(Uh oh, what'd he get.)

See, here's the thing. When Joe doesn't do laundry (and that isn't a judgement, you should only SEE the disaster that is my room, due to laundry issues) he ends up wearing an All the Queen's Men T-shirt for the show. I have said it before and I reiterate: Don't be the guy wearing your own band's swag on stage. JUST DON'T BE THAT GUY! So, earlier in the day it was "You MUST have another shirt...just a black T-shirt, dude, how hard is that?" "Well do you have time to pick one up for me before the show?" There is in fact a Gap on my route, partway between Porter Square and the Lizard Lounge. So, yeah, I could do that. Despite Joe's Gap-aversion, a plan had been hatched. Black T-shirt, easy. But...

"See, I was leaving work and I passed Urban's. Then I was waiting for the train, and the train came, but I couldn't fit on it. I said, fuck it, I'm gonna go back and look."

See, here's the thing. I love Joe, I really do. And he is good at a lot of things. He can write a good song, he can play almost any instrument, he can play chess, he can tell a joke, he can have a discussion about Russian Lit, he can do all the voices in Austin Powers. However, and he will tell you this if you ask him, he sucks at two things. 1) Interpersonal relationships, especially those of the female kind and 2) Dressing himself. And now he's up and gone shopping. It could be...anything. I mean, what if...

or ?

Hey, it's Joe, it could even be

.

Yes I know that's not a T-shirt. Joe Kowalski, remember? "There were lots of cool shirts! I almost got..." imagine here a detailed account of various and sundry Urban Outfitter male person's cotton garments. But one he got is "...cool. It's grey-black. It's a rock 'n' roll shirt!" he said, sounding happy about it. "Great!" I said.

I didn't see it until dinner, right before the show. "Um...it says...it actually SAYS Rock and Roll on it, Joe."

"I know, that's how I knew it was a rock 'n' roll shirt!"

(Um...okay, this time he might actually have something there.)

By the way? I'm sure, about those two T-shirts above? That he just read this, and wants those now. Notice I did NOT link to the website where they can be purchased.

T-shirts, though. They can so easily go either way-- way cool, or horribly, horribly wrong.