Etc.

(November 11, 2002)

Listen to me. Are you listening? Stoli and pot combo? Just say no. You wouldn't even believe what I spent much of Saturday night doing. Just...no, no, and no.

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You know the whole diet/excercise thing? October was a wash. I'm almost nine pounds behind schedule. Dammit! But watch this, here I go... check me out...no, seriously, check me out...

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Bobby Martin singing "Whipping Post" on Zappa's Them or Us just KICKS MY VOLUPTUOUS WHITE ASS. Press back, baby, let's hear that AGAIN.

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You know what? I don't have Revolver. How is that possible?

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"How come," I wondered aloud, "the raisin people insist on this whole big moist and plump! campaign? The whole idea of a raisin is its inherent dried-out-ness. It's like saying 'try this rare, juicy beef jerky!' If you want a moist and plump raisin, get a grape."

"I once tried to make raisins," Hub said. "I put some grapes on the radiator."

"Oh yeah, how'd that work out?"

"They kind of wilted after a few days and I decided I was NOT going to eat those."

"Ever try to make beef jerky that way?"

"No, but I did try to eat a stick of butter once."

"On a dare or a bet of some kind?"

"No, I just wanted butter. We didn't usually have butter. I took a big bite and got so sick...I tossed the rest of it under the radiator."

"Radiator figured kind of prominently in your childhood, no?"

"I retrieved it some months later. It was all congealed and dusty."

"Man, your parents really fucked you up with that organic diet crap."