Late Night Showdown

(March 22, 2001)

...we've got a great show for you tonight, folks, Steven Seagal is on his way out, later we'll talk with D.L. Hughley. Tomorrow night, Rob Schneider and Evan Nagao the yo-yo boy! Stick around, we'll-- [click]

"Wow. What a crappy week of guests."

"Seriously. Those are...bad guests. What, Jay couldn't get Shadoe Stevens?"

"He'll call Shadoe right after he calls John Davidson."

"John Davidson, oh man...ooookay, missy. I think I can beat that."

"You're bluffing."

"You asked for it. JM J. Bullock."

"Oh man. I'll see your JM J. Bullock and raise you...Tom Poston."

"OOHHH, GOD. That's okay, I can beat that with a pair. The Jeffersons."

"Well I have a pair, too. And mine beats yours. Either female sidekick from the A-Team."

"Evil. You're evil, but I've got three of a kind."

"Call."

"Henry Winkler, Scott Baio, and Erin Moran."

"HOLY hell. I fold."

"Go again?"

"Ante up."

"Okay, the betting starts with...Urkel."

"NOOOOO!!! To wage war on this, I have no choice but to pull out a pair."

"Call."

"We should really learn how to play poker."

"Shut up, what do you have?"

"I'm just saying, we really have no clue...Okay, how about...The GOLD sisters! Tracey and Missy."

"That's pretty bad, but sorry, I have a straight. The entire cast of WKRP in Cincinnati."

"I can't believe you beat me with Fred Willard and Loni Anderson and...Johnny Fever...and those other guys. Although...I'm pretty sure I can come out on top."

"Show me."

"With three queens...of a kind.

"Queens of a kind, huh."

"Yup. The queens of made-for-TV-movies. Joanna Kearns, Meredith Baxter-Birney, and Victoria Principal."

"Yep, that would cream me...except that I have THE ENTIRE CAST OF SMALL WONDER."

"OW, MY BRAIN!"

"Beat that!"

"Simon & Simon, Hardcastle & McCormick, and The Scarecrow & Mrs. King. All cheesy detective shows with ampersands in the titles."

"Awful. But I have the ultimate. Full House."

"Okay, call."

"I'm saying, Full House."

"And I'M saying, what...oh...you mean FULL HOUSE."

"Three of a kind and a pair. Saget, Stamos, and...uh, the other one, whoever. Plus--"

"...THE OLSON TWINS!!! Oh, shit. Ow, the pain...!! Nope, I fold. All I had was a pair of puppets. Alf and the rabbit from Happily Ever After."

(pause)

"So who's on Conan?"