Back on the Grid

(March 21, 2008)

Well. I'm fully back on the grid as of today. Got my driver's license renewed, yo! I've officially re-entered the American consumer mainstream, dudes.

Hey, this might be a good spot, diary-ily speaking, to catch up my new readers who might be asking "BACK on the grid? License was expired? What's up with this Lexi chick?"

Well, settle in, here's my deal. I used to be this fast-talking, pantyhose-wearing, cellphone-yapping, business-traveling smart-alec-exec in a multi-national conglomerate I dubbed, near the end of its heyday, GiantSuckingSound.com. When the pig-glut of upper over-management finally siphoned every ounce of life from the place, I actually volunteered to be amongst the casualties of layoffs.

Huge severance package. It ruled. For about a year, until a well-documented-in-Diaryland health incident caused something of a lifestyle hiccup that left me pretty poor and without, well, some stuff most able-bodied, educated Americans are used to having. I found myself unable to move around too much for about three months, and eventually the list of stuff I didn't have included: job, health insurance, car, cell phone, apartment and bank account. And driver's license. I let it go, let it all go, tightened up and set about rebuilding. Thanks to awesome friends, it wasn't even hard. Just another stage of life. Who needs cable TV? Fuck it all.

I did move in with Joe in...was it 2004? but all the utilities were already on, in his name. So I was still mostly off the grid. I could have been living anywhere! There was almost no way to trace me!

Makes me grin just thinking about how hard that is, these days. With no bank account, job, phone number, apartment lease, car, voter registration, license, there was nothing connecting me to anything. Truth be told it was, um, emboldening, in a way. Invincibility through non-existence. Do you realize how long I went without getting a single telemarketer calling? "GO AHEAD, FIND ME, HA HA!"

Since 2004 it's been steady, steady, rebuilding, rebuilding, one thing at a time. First, job. Then, bank account. Then, payment plans for all the wolves at the door. Then, health insurance. You get the idea.

By now I'm very close to having paid off the big IRS bill from 2003, which has been my thorniest tackle. And you know what, if you have any old taxes, don't hesitate over calling Uncle Sam -- he is REALLY cracking down lately. Something has clearly happened recently, some new fiscal goal or initiative, because the IRS has totally upped its aggression.

But even with the threats of levy, somehow renewing my driver's license feels even more "official" than re-establishing my tax responsibilities. The license just happened to expire whilst I was in a hospital in La Chaux de Fonds, Switzerland, unexpectedly delayed for some weeks. After that I couldn't really drive, in fact for a few months it was painful just to sit through a bumpy car ride.

After that I didn't care.

So now that I went and did it, me and Joey are talking about how we'll rent a car and take drives for no reason this summer.

Watch the planes come in.

Go to the beach at dusk.

Go to IKEA and pick up the Billy model of bookshelf to replace the ramshackle bunch of unfinished-wood cube shelves we currently have. Heh.

IKEA, baby! Coupled with Target, pretty much the apex of mainstream American consumerism and, sadly, the first two places I thought of when the Registry of Motor Vehicle girl actually said "You're all set."

I'ma drive a CAR.

They still driving like dribble chins out there, dudes? Am I going to have to start exercising my middle finger after all these years?