Awful Chickens

(October 18, 2005)

Dear Fuckhead Noise Board Guy,

When I was little we had chickens. Guinea hens and chickens. I don't know WHY we had the Guinea hens, they were awful creatures. When you sprinkle the chicken feed, the regular domestic chickens would coo and cluck and peck the feed. There was definitely a "pecking order" as they say, but it was harmonious. The chickens understand their chicken community, and everyone will get some chicken feed eventually.

The Guinea hens, by contrast, would shriek and run to and fro pecking at the domestic hens, trying to keep them from eating. So concerned with keeping all the other chickens from enjoying feeding time, the Guinea hens wouldn't get to eat either. They were too busy worrying over what everyone else was getting. If they'd only chill out and find a spot where they could eat their share of feed, there'd be harmony. But no, those shrill and greedy little fuckers just HAD to freakishly obsess over spoiling everyone else's fun.

Awful, awful chickens.

You, my friend, are an awful chicken.