Walks With A Scowl speaks out

(December 05, 2004)

My new job is perfect. Like I said, it's not nearly the money I was pulling down at GiantSuckingSound.com, but that wasn't what I was looking for. The important part is, it's more regular than freelancing and it's as rewarding as GiantSuckingSound.com USED to be before the excrement hit the cooling device...

Another benefit of my new job is that, since it's a start-up, there are only three of us. That is one small crew. In terms of personal dynamics, we're just Andy and JC and Lexi. By contrast, when there are rows and rows of workers occupying numerous floors of a whole building, or a multi-building campus, it is all too possible to become one-dimensional. A caricature of yourself based on a single incident or characteristic. What a way to lose your identity. Your colloquial corporate identity is like the modern version of ancient tribal naming rituals.

"Who're you meeting with?"

"Brian."

"Jogs at Lunch Brian?"

"No, Albino Brian."

"Ah. Well I have a lunch meeting with Bad Vacation Pictures and Has a Hot Wife."

"Okay, but don't take long because we have a two o'clock with Never Makes The Coffee."

"Gotcha."

Yesterday at work I was sorting envelopes. Yes, Saturday, I was at work sorting envelopes. Because the other part about it being a start-up is that we have to do everything ourselves and we had to move across the hall yesterday. There are no people who do that. No I.T., no Facilities Manager, no janitorial staff. So Andy was cabling our LAN together and I was sorting envelopes into our new storage closet.

It reminded me of this woman at GiantSuckingSound.com who, I am sorry to say, was afraid of me. She was also a little stupid. Okay, a lot stupid. But also afraid of me. I don't know WHAT she'd heard -- I was always brisk and assertive, maybe a little bit dragon lady at times, but only because I had a shit-ton of responsibility for high-visibility projects and sometimes being a dragon lady is what it took to get shit done...but I never wanted to be feared.

I remember this one day, I needed an envelope. "Mary, you got any envelopes?" I said to my friend Mary. "No, but I know who has some!" She told me Maria had some, and so I walked over to the desk of this woman who hadn't worked out as a Call Rep (couldn't handle the pace, lord knows who hired her) so, rather than fire her, they had her acting as a sort of general administrative assistant type of thing. Basic stuff. Filing, faxing, ordering supplies.

"Maria, how's it going? Hey, can I have an envelope?" She stared at me, gripped with such a surge of panic that it literally paralyzed her. She said nothing but her mouth moved a little in search of words.

"Envelope?" I said again, "Mary says you have envelopes?"

She stammered "En...like...what..."

I waited, but she just stopped trying to say anything. I felt like I was speaking in some kind of code. Did I really say the word envelope? Or did I accidentally ask her for an elephant or a eulogy. It happens. The other day I forgot how to say "pimento" for a second. But no, I had actually said "envelope," she just...froze. I think we worked out some kind of elaborate charade with sock puppets and FINALLY I got an envelope and I was able to mail my letter.

God. So yes, I thought about her as I was at work on a Saturday, sorting envelopes. She CAN'T have survived the massive downsizing.

I wonder whatever happened to Never Heard of Envelopes...