That's Me In The Corner

(July 09, 2002)

Here's just some fun facts about Lexi. (Lisa McC would call this a "maintenance entry," meaning, I got nuthin', but I know you're all tired of seeing the OB GYN entry, so here is this while I wait for something interesting to happen.)

Fun Fact #1. I just got home. Okay, that's not fun, nor is it a fact. I've been home for like a half hour. I left work at 7, stopped to drop off a birthday present, stopped to get some stuff at Brooks, got home, fed the cats, and now I am in my workout clothes at 9:22 pm writing this. The fun part is, in fact, that I am stubbornly delaying the actual working out as long as possible. Checking email. Putting the clothes into the dryer. Writing, for example, this entry. By the way, I have found, my dears, that I prefer the kind of physical activity that requires no sneakers. No shoes of any kind, in fact. Barefoot physical exertion, that's my game. Oh behave, I know what you're thinking. No, I mean things like stretching, yoga, sit-ups, floor work of that ilk.

Fun Fact #2. It is very very rare for me to lie. I just can't do it. I've tried lying and it always goes so wrong and feels like ass. But today at work, in the cafeteria, I lied to the lesbian cashier who likes me. See, I had four dollar bills and three quarters exactly. The grilled steak wrap I wanted very badly costs 4.75. With tax, I'd never make it. But I ordered it from the grill guy anyway. He's on the total other side of the caf from the cashier. So when I got to her register I showed her my wrap and said "Grilled veggie wrap." The wraps are all wrapped in the same foil, she wouldn't know it was really steak. The veggie wrap is only 4.00. Now, I know that if I'd told her the situation and asked her if I could give her the difference tomorrow, she'd smile cutely (she's pretty cute, and always smiles cutely) and wave me thru. But I didn't want to take advantage of her niceness, so I opted for deception. However, I can't live with the .75 lie either. It's all I can think about. Tomorrow I am going to order a veggie wrap and tell her it's steak. It was beef deception, and I must set things to order.

Fun Fact #3. I lost my virginity at nineteen, and I have had eight lovers since then.

Fun Fact #4. I'm avoiding a woman at work because she got her hair done. She's kind of older, a bit dumpy and drab. She wants, though, to be fabulous. You can tell by the occasional unfortunate forays into flash and color that end up coming off like a bad Liza impersonation. I don't know who she is consulting about hair. Bruce Villanche, maybe? All I know is she came in this week with an awful round nest of bubble curls, like Mrs. Roper's from Three's Comany reruns. Clearly from the generation that thinks perms classsssssy. I am avoiding her because she asks me stuff that makes me want to stick my pen in my eye. I know she is going to ask, "What do you think?" What I THINK is she needs to shave the whole mess and start over. What I'll SAY is a lame non-answer. Like, "Different!"

Fun Fact #5. I'm old enough to use anti-wrinkle eye cream, but I still need Clearasil for pimples. Fucking fuck, what the fuck is that a-fucking-about.

Fun Fact #6. I have never successfully pulled off a one night stand; they always called and ended up as my boyfriend for like, months. I feel like I missed out on what it's like to have a one night stand.

Fun Fact #7. I have never been dumped or fired.

Fun Fact #8. I love Barry Manilow. I can actually play "Can't Smile Without You" on guitar. No really. I'm serious. Well it's kind of easy, which is why I can play it. But I do love Barry Manilow.

Fun Fact #9. Sometimes, in a store, when I buy embarrassing food? I pretend I have kids at home and it's for them. Like, on my way home tonight, at Brooks? I went in for hair color and Neutrogena foaming facial cleanser, but I also got Pop Tarts. But they're not just Pop Tarts. They're Limited Edition Spiderman Pop Tarts. The flavor is Frosted Spidey Berry. I can't wait to see what one looks like.

Fun Fact #10. I like lists of stuff to come in tens.