Loompa Dee Doo

(November 01, 2001)

"I wish I had tall boots," I muttered critically, looking at my legs reflected by the dishwasher. Skirt too short? Boots too short for skirt?

"What's the difference? Besides, I thought you said they look stupid on short women," said Hub.

"Well then I wish I had longer legs," I snapped.

"Get shorter boots."

"I HAVE short boots, these are THEM!"

"Well then, there's no problem."

Two things I realized then and there. One, that men just don't GET it. And two is, although I have more guy friends than girl friends, the guy friends I seem to pick...well, they GET it. And most of them can be counted on for make-up and hair advice, too. Just, like, cool dudes.

I emailed for reinforcements.

Subject: Honest Opinion!
Aaron, do you think tall boots look silly on short, chubby women? I keep trying them on, but I am sure I look like an Oopma Loompa that joined Captain Hook's crew. Yet I KEEP trying them on...

Subject: RE: Honest Opinion!
I can't picture you looking like an Oompa Loompa. You're far too stylish for that. I think less vertically endowed people in general have a hard time with high boots. There's something about body height to shoe height ratio that makes it hard to find the right balance. But, I'm not one to accept restrictive generalizations, so I bet there's the pefect pair of boots out there for you somewhere.

Yes, I bet there frikkin' IS. And the search shall begin at once.

I love my cool dude friends.

(Clarification: Hub is a cool dude too, just in a different way. And no, the other cool dudes are not necessarily gay.)