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******* You're reading an old entry from Michelle "Lexi Kahn" DiPoala's online diary, formerly called Jungle Sweet Jungle. Blog name changed to Low Budget Superhero in October 2005. Now I mostly go by SuperLowBudge. You can call me Lexi, Michelle or SuperLowBudge, or if you're my mom, then Shelly. Enjoy these old posts (except if you're my mom.) Please follow on Blogger at superlowbudge.blogspot.com. From there you can follow me on Twitter and some other platforms. Thanks!
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I'M not gonna try it, YOU try it! (May 02, 2001) "...salad dressing, salad dressing, page 263..." I'm thumbing through The Joy of Cooking looking for a recipe for creamy Italian salad dressing. The pages of the book fall open to a certain spot as though a bookmark is inserted there. It's not exactly a bookmark, per se. It's a flat cellophane package about the size of a fruit roll-up. It's a little worn around the edges. It's trout jerky. "OOOOooooooh," I squeal, running to the hallway where Hub stashes his boots when he takes them off every night. I stick the trout jerky into one of the boots, shoving it way down into the toe. I may even grunt a satisfied little "hmph." I don't remember exactly how this started. Believe me, I wish I could remember. All I can tell you is, a few months ago I noticed some food product somewhere-- maybe it was on a menu in a restaurant or maybe it was at the store-- that made me go "ugh!" It was something weird, like a FOOD PRODUCT and a FOOD MEDIUM (y'know, like method of preparing it?) that just do NOT go together. Say for example, Beet Mustard. Or Pickled Pineapple. Lamb Paste. Banana Jelly? You get the idea. Again, sorry, I really cannot remember what the hell it was. So I'm grossed out, but Hub said something to the effect of "what's the big deal about that?" But I insisted that it was an unnatural state for that particular food product. He disagreed. I persisted, citing that this kind of thing was precisely why Dan Ackroyd's Bass-O-Matic skit worked so well. There are some things you JUST CAN'T DO. If you haven't figured it out by now, this kind of thing is a direct challenge to Hub. For days, we tried to out-gross each other with new and different things you JUST CAN'T DO with food.
"Shrimp Cream Pie." "Fruit Stew" "Cabbage Cream!" "Olive loaf! Oh wait, that really is a thing..." TROUT? JERKY? I bought it, of course, and brought it home to Hub. I wanted him to TRY it, but he wouldn't. So I put it in his sock drawer. He put it back in the cabinet. I put it in his underwear drawer. He put it back in the cabinet. I put it in his coat pocket. He put it in my nightstand drawer. I put it in his bathrobe pocket. He put it in my laptop. I put it in his address book. He put it in the catfood bin. The other day, while waiting for salmon steaks at the fish counter at Bread & Circus, I notice that they have trout jerky in Teriyaki flavor. I bought five of them. OH, it is SO ON!
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