Ode to Oscar Madison

(December 28, 2000)

I have to clean my room.

Facing the reality that I simply do not WANT to clean my room is just one more of the many, many daily affirmations that my decision to not breed (thus far) is wise.

Could I honestly point to my child, an innocent empty vessel waiting to be filled with my learned wisdom, and say with any credibility whatsoever, "Go take care of all that clutter that's collected on your bed! I can hardly SEE the bed through all that clutter!" No, I cannot. Not when MY bed hasn't seen the light of day since September.

It's not actually "my bed," truth be told. The bed I sleep in every night is in the room Hub and I share. The deal is, I have this extra room. Here I keep all of my clothes & accessories, and because my computer is in here it also doubles as my office. It's my...cloffice. Yes, my cloffice. I like the ring of that.

My cloffice is also the guest room, having a twin bed with a trundle bed underneath. Since we rarely have guests anymore, this bed's primary function is to get baskets of laundry dumped on it, which are subsequently dug through for clean underwear and socks. Sometimes so MANY baskets of laundry are dumped here that looking for said underwear becomes like an archaeological dig, and anything might be unearthed. Lost books, necklaces, shoes...today I found a cat. I'm not kidding. She scared the crap out of me under there.

In the spirit of wasting the most possible time before actually doing something about this mess, I've done an internet search and found the following. I'll call this, "Stupid Sites About Messy Rooms."

Stupid Sites About Messy Rooms

1. One U Penn college student's waste of time.

2. A pretty bad poem.

3. A really bad poem.

4. Moderately interesting and fun idea but slightly nerdy , which explains why I like it.

5. A fucking asinine British Colombian soccer mom's brainless assertion.