He's Dreamy!

(2000-07-01)

Last night I dreamt about one of my Crushes. At the end of the last fragment of the dream I can remember, dreamboy got into a golf cart and drove away with his actual girlfriend. But I knew he'd be back. I'm fascinating, dammit. (Hey, it's MY dream).

So I woke up today all thrilly and flushed and energetic, like I was just told a big juicy secret and because of this exciting news, the world had shifted planes slightly and is now harmoniously aligned.

I used to worry about how, and good god WHY I still get Crushes. Completely illogical, often pure fantasy, I'd fall in love every day, feeling guilty and sheepish. For a few weeks I'd be as starry-eyed and uncomfortable as an 11-year old, and then something would distract me and I'm on to the Next Thing.

Now I just go with it. Guilt schmilt.

Before you start whispering 'scandal' and get out the red letter, I should say two things.

1)Hub knows about...well, MOST of these Crushes. He has to deal with me, poor guy, as I jump up and down hugging my A-Team lunchbox squealing "Murdock, Murdock!" like some kind of half-evolved teenager with a 401K.

2)I have learned that they're necessary. Everybody should always have a Crush on somebody, always always always.

When you get a Crush, you get happy. You get butterflies and you get Perma-grin. You feel like experimenting with your hair, you want to get a new summer color to paint your toenails and you go out and find a pair of adorable new shoes. There's a bounce in your step and your imagination is stroked and encouraged, so you write a song or a story, redecorate your room, get productive-- which makes you feel even better about yourself. You are, in a word, radiant. This makes your love life better, then etc, then etc. It's an undeniably terrific chain reaction.

So stop feeling guilty, just go with that Crush. If you're married, you're only married, you're not dead. Backstreet Boys make you tingle? Get yourself a big poster. Does Brittany do it for ya? She has a doll out now, y'know. Do you think the art student on the T in the mornings wears his paint-spattered cargo pants just right? Smile at him, make his day and yours. Pizza delivery boy the cutest thing since...since the art student? Big tip.

Nobody can see inside your head, so Secret Crushes are okay too. I've had major Crushes on literary figures (Huckleberry Finn, Heathcliff), on actors (John Malkovich, Eric Stoltz),on TV characters (even Egon, from the Ghostbusters CARTOON mind you. He's a drawing). I once had a Crush on our mechanic, which Hub had a lot of fun with. To wit, "So you need Scott to re-align your front axle?"

Yeah baby, as soon as the Pizzaboy delivers the pepperoni.

Oh, BEHAVE.