New and Improved

(2000-06-16)

Mmmm, Chinese buffet for lunch today!

The "buffet" concept is a beautiful thing, but in the buffet, y'know, SITUATION, are you supposed to still tip the waiter the usual percentage? He doesn't have to do any actual WAITing, which is why I ask. I did tip him today, but I wonder what the official protocol is. Like the tip jar you sometimes see at Dunkin Donuts. I'm usually a big tipper, but logical: the size of the tip is in direct proportion to the value of the service. For waitstaff that's been running around for me for an hour, and friendly to boot? Huge tip. For the surly counter boy at Dunkins? You handed me the bagel I pointed to, and forgot the little packet of cream cheese-- tell me again, I'm tipping you why?

I envisioned a new Dunkin Donuts operating model on my drive in today: self-serve. That rack of donuts? Behind glass, grab it and bag it, fill your coffee, swipe your debit card and GO.

Of course then, after a few years of that, there'd be NEW & IMPROVED Dunkin Donutses popping up-- full table service. That often happens with "change" in our culture. We "change back" eventually and call it "new and improved." It's cyclical.

For example. Have you seen the new "Rinse and Reuse" plastic plates?

Is this the stupidest thing since the juice box? The product development pitch for this product must have included some McLogic in the presentation slides. Maybe like this:

Step 1. Tired of washing your ceramic, plastic, or glass dishware? Use disposable paper plates!

Step 2. Paper plates too weak to hold your spaghetti? Use disposable plastic plates!

Step 3. Plastic plates melting in the microwave? Use disposable styrofaom plates!

Step 4. Styrofoam won't break down in a landfill? See Step 1! Oh, you've seen Step 1...okay, how about this PLASTIC that you can RINSE AND REUSE?

And some excec said, "YEAH! GO MAKE THAT! THE PEOPLE NEED US TO MAKE THAT!" Didn't they even use a focus group or something? Because I'm sure SOMEone would've piped up, "...er...well...why wouldn't I just use my actual ceramic or plastic plates that I ALREADY "rinse and reuse?"

What's next? Zero Calorie Liquid Paper? Powdered Water? Braille Driving Manuals?