gggrrrrrr...!!!

(2000-05-23)

Here's a question. HOW MANY ASSHOLES CAN THERE POSSIBLY BE, AND WHY ARE THEY ALWAYS AROUND ME?

This has been a stellar week for jerks-at-work, jerks-in-line-at-the-store, and my favorite, jerks-in-traffic. I don't know what it is, but the drivers on my commute are coasting on their own little islands of reality into my lane, stopping without warning, beeping at me to GO at a RED light (no, NOT a right-on-red), creeping along up to a green light...you name it, I had it this week. WAKE UP AND DRIVE, PEOPLE! Well maybe I drive a little FAST, but safely, I assure you-- safely.

The winner was Thursday: Driving up Route 3 from Billerica, merging onto 95 towards home, this uptight little chickie in a black Saab, dressed to the teeth in white linen and sporting $100 shades and a severe black haircut right out of Vidal or Liquid, almost caused an accident as she tried to merge from the left lane into the right lane to take the entrance onto 95. Yo, Sasha? The rest of us drones aren't sitting in the right lane waiting our turn to get onto 95 for our health, 'kay? The key phrase is WAITING OUR TURN. But no, she just had to scoot up and cut someone off. Miraculously, she made it, I saw in my rearview, but not before scaring everybody. Oh but it gets better-- as the rest of us are tooling along up the entrance ramp, y'know, getting up to speed? The blithering idiot comes out of nowhere ON THE RIGHT and ZOOM, she CUTS ME OFF on the entrance ramp just as I'm about to merge, and in one fluid movement, as though she was so wronged for almost getting rear-ended, she floats one manincured hand out the window...and flips ME off.

If this were a movie, I'd have rammed my beat-up, bumper-stickered, totally-paid for, need a new one anyway '92 Geo Prism into that shiny new Saab. It would have been her fault. "Oops, didja break a nail sweetheart? Aw, car-y poo all banged up? So sorry, maybe daddy will buy you a new one..."

Oh, someday I'm going to snap.